Dear Professor Brad Blackstone,
My name is Jia Jun. I am writing this email as a formal introduction of myself to you. I hope that this email will help you gain a better understanding of me. I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic with a diploma in mechatronics engineering. During my course of study, I had the honor of participating in world skills Singapore 2020 under the category of mechanical engineering computer-aided design.
My exposure to both technical and electrical products since young sparked my interest to be in the engineering field. I have always been fascinated by the way machinery works which led me to take on the path of being an engineer. During my National Service, I was part of the Republic of Singapore Air Force. I served as a technician assigned to do maintenance and repair works on the F-15 Eagles' twin engines. This piques my interest in the engineering world even more. All of my past experiences have led me to pursue further studies in mechanical design and manufacturing engineering.
My strength in communication is my ability to articulate my points and ideas clearly and easily understandable to others. For example, I taught my classmates subjects that they are unable to understand in class. I would consider my biggest weakness to be interacting socially, especially with strangers. It makes me nervous and feels out of place. I hope through this module, I can improve my verbal communication skills with others. Additionally, to leave a good impression when conversing with new people.
I truly believe that having known many mechanical skills since young would help me in my career in engineering. I would like to continue to expand my engineering knowledge and explore the engineering world in depth.
Best regards,
Jia Jun
The content of the letter is well-written. I liked that he elaborated on his interest in engineering by showing examples of what inspired him and therefore led him to pursuing it during his time in national service. The flow of the letter is consistent, but the ending paragraph could be altered to sound less repetitive.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comment on my letter. I'll improve on reducing the repetitiveness of my letter writing.
DeleteJia Jun has a good introduction to his engineering-related background. His organization and flow are smooth and understandable. He has given a past year's experience which gives him an interest in the engineering industry. Overall, the letter is well written.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comment on my letter. @Dh :)
Deletewell done in ensuring that the goal is related and links back to the communication strengths and weaknesses. Additionally, I think the part what you mentioned that you have done maintenance and repair work really showed your experience in engineering. Great job in your letter writing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comment on my letter. @Hui Juan :)
DeleteThe flow of the letter is good, you were able to showcase your interest in engineering since young and how it led to you pursing your current course of study. It was also notable that you listed examples throughout the letter.
ReplyDeleteAs seen on paragraph 2, there are slight repetitions at the end of each sentence on saying that different stages of your life led you to choose engineering. Other than that, I felt that the letter was well written.
Thank you for the comment on my letter. I will try to improve on reducing my repetitiveness.
DeleteDear JJ,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this informative letter. The content reflects fairly well the assignment brief , you present your thoughts in a clear and fairly well-organized manner (the exception might be the last paragraph) and the language use is quite good. You've also shared key details about your interest in machines and engineering and your NS experience and how that has impacted both your skills development and your goals, which allows us readers to gain a basic understanding of who you are. You also demonstrate a willingness to improve in areas like verbal communication, which will be important as you move forward on your study and eventual career path.
There are a few areas in this post that can be imrpoved:
1. use of caps
-- world skills Singapore 2020 > (title) ?
2. sentence structure
-- Additionally, to leave a good impression when conversing with new people. > (fragment) ?
3. verb use
-- This piques my interest in the engineering world even more. > (past or present occurence?)
-- . For example, I taught my classmates subjects that they are unable to understand in class. > (a one-off occurence or something you do?)
4. appropriate focus for the letter's ending as you tie up your comm skills experience and inro in this mod?
-- I truly believe that having known many mechanical skills since young would help me in my career in engineering. I would like to continue to expand my engineering knowledge and explore the engineering world in depth.
I look forward to working with you further this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Hello Professor Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for the comments on my letter. I will take notes on the points that you said to improve on. Point 3, it piques my interest since young, but learning more makes me want to know more.
I also look forward to the upcoming classes with you.